WHAT?? A NEW BLOG POST?? I know… I can’t believe it either. My year-long hiatus is up! And since I will be moving to a new country soon, I promise to write down my thoughts on a more regular basis… I am aiming for twice a month.
That being said, post-grad life has finally arrived. No more essays, papers, required readings, book buying, room assignments… I have to say, I’m not too sad about all this.
Unfortunately, I am thoroughly convinced that I am losing my sanity. Over the past four years, I figured out who I was as a college student. I developed my personality with the people I spent time with, I learned an awesome language that I was able to use everyday, and I found a great church community that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
But, now that I am home, I can’t seem to remember how to exist in this setting. Between working in Peru, working at an overnight camp, going to college and being a nanny, I haven’t been home this long since I was in high school. I seem to have forgotten how to just… be. Let me tell you, there are only so many episodes of Grey’s Anatomy (thank you netflix) that one can watch before they start to lose all hope that life will ever be thrilling again. I miss being social, I miss my friends, I miss my bible-study, I miss having a schedule and having to get up in the morning because someone else relied on me. I miss my students and leading worship and eating at Seaco with my friends. I miss all the little things that I didn’t realize I found purpose in.
Each day now seems the same… I wake up, read my bible, drink my coffee (though I don’t know why… must be purely for the taste now because it is not like I need caffeine to lounge around the house all day) and then find myself contemplating what to do. Should I waste the day in front of the TV? Should I read? Should I learn some new Spanish vocab? Should I listen to another episode of the Reformed Pubcast (ps: check-out that podcast it’s pretty great)? I do all these things and yet I still feel like my existence if being wasted.
A few weeks ago, on a camping retreat, we went through the book of Ephesians. While the topic of the retreat was focused on the church, I can’t forget Ephesians 5:15 ESV, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” Man, are the days evil! They are so long and often times empty, but this does not mean they need to be empty of purpose. I have been thinking… what can I do with these days? What will fill them with purpose? What will destroy the evil?
I am going through the Gospel of Luke right now and tonight I was reading chapter five where Jesus teaches about the Sabbath, calls his apostles and gives his second sermon, The Beatitudes. In the midst of all this, Luke records that “In these days he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God” (Luke 5:12 ESV). Wait, did he just say all night or did I read that wrong? What, he prayed ALL NIGHT? Man, I have never done that. I don’t even know how I would stay up all night just praying. But I do know that I am awake all day… oh snap, are you thinking what I am thinking?
Prayer is what I am going to start doing during the day. I’m not sure what this will look like yet… but I know that if this is what Jesus saw fit, then it is what I should see fit. I remember when I was student teaching that all I wanted was a day to do nothing, to relax, to sleep. But God was teaching me something in that season; thankfulness. Even for the hectic, frustrating moments. But now I am in a new season, a season of prayer. I can’t wait to see what He has in store!
If you have anything that I can pray for you about, please message me and let me know.